needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
