what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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