I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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