drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
