The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
