i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
two words...techno handjob
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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