I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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