You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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