it wasn't lemon gatorade
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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