I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
