I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
