if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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