When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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