U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think my vagina is haunted
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
