Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
