guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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