First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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