Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
