so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we're so committed to being not committed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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