I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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