This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
