I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
