Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
