I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
