He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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