We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You can't motorboat a personality
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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