if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
