I wish my penis had an off switch
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
