Whod you bang
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
