my sisters under your porch take her home
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
