Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
