no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
