If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
