I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
