Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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