he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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