singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
