Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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