Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
