After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
why is half of my head shaved?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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