I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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