I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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