I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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