I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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