Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
