Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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