Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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