I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
