True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
