i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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