it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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