Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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