Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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