hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
