i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
