I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
