when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
