her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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